Paired with overwhelming options are competing distractions (for you and your potential soulmate) everywhere, which makes it hard to commit to anything. There is always a better person around the corner, or rather the next swipe. And what percentage of those potential dates are actually good long-term relationship material? And how do we filter out the bad ones and in the good ones? And what if what we want or think we need is not actually what we need? And how do we make love last the long-term?

This means we will have to overcome our own relationship and personal blocks. And if you are a person reading this article you likely have been trying to do that on your own, and probably not getting the level of results you would like.

Some relationship experts go so far as to say that this is human’s unconscious automatic way of attempting to fix or get what we didn’t get in these early relationships

However, without the right kind of insight, skills, and hard work, what our brain may want is not what happens, and we repeat the same pattern of falling in love with the same kind of person, perhaps in a slightly different package, with the same results–heartbreak, dissatisfaction, conflict.

Though it may be blunt, learning scientists call this being in a state of unconscious incompetence, and though it does not mean you are stupid–you are unaware of how to break the pattern. For many of us, we know something is off–maybe you even have an exact itemized list (conscious incompetence)–however you are still lacking skills and a path to get there. With a fairly steady 40-50% divorce rate, and even a higher percentage of relationships in “survival mode” staying together in loveless relationships only out of obligation, it is not your fault you weren’t taught, and your parents might have not had the greatest examples themselves.

Modern relationships therapists and therapies are what we call “evidence-based” (based in science) and are not like the one’s that were available to your parents, they are equipped with the tools and training to not just “talk,” but make practical step-by-step changes, based in research on what works for thousands of the happiest relationships, and can save you the time of avoiding common pitfalls that are so easy to make.

Unless we have someone who can help us recognize what we aren’t conscious of and give us the tools to overcome them, we will keep repeating the same patterns. If even therapists require supervisors, then so do all of us, especially when we are planning to be in a relationship.

After all, even the healthiest relationship has enough complexities and hard work already.

Media and Facebook would like us to believe that we are not complete until we are in a relationship. This is bullshit. Many of the most successful and happy people that have lived experienced long periods or even lifetimes of singledom. It is natural to want a special someone, but don’t hold back on loving yourself and doing the things you dream of just because you don’t have a romantic partner to do them with. Use your single time to invest in your friends, family, and yourself, and recognize that being single is a special time of freedom and self-growth that is a bit harder to have in a relationship–as being in a relationship has its own lists of pros and cons. Work on yourself now, and you will be better set up to attract the right circumstances and mindset that will bring happiness to your life when the right person comes along. You will be two, 100% complete people, that are wanting to be in a healthy romantic relationship–not needing it to survive.